Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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