Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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