Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
