Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
