i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
