So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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