Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
