just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
