a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's shark week go big or go home
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
