Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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