my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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