i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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