I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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