At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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