went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
