Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
