Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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