when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
