My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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