She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I currently don't understand fingers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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