Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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