GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
