The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
