Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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