well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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