the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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