Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
