His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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