Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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