Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
