margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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