My balls are so social today.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
