Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
