Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There are leaves in my underwear?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
