Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize