Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
