I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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