i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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