I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up