Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in