we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
