yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
