I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Life is so much better after having sex.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.