Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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