i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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