he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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