his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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