He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
