keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i drank out of a bidet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
