oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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