I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
try to milk me bitch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize