I smell stomach acid.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
