He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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