I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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