either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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