Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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