apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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