once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
