My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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