party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
