Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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