i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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