I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
