I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hippo gnu deer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
