So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
