Jerry, you need to find god
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
