no, he came in my armpit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
