isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
