You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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