Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
