Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
