Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
