theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
