When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
