my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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