so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
