My Higher Power is John Stamos
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
